The ultimate cliche
It is inevitable. After all, does anyone out there expect a football coach to say after a game, "That team stinks. They're lucky they don't have to donate their paycheck to charity. Their offensive line couldn't block my nephew's pee-wee football team, and their quarterback couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
(Let the record state the QB comment was not necessarily meant as a joke at the expense of Joe Bauserman.)
Anyway, hearing so many football cliches, more times than not in small doses from well-meaning coaches whom I really, really like and are a pleasure with whom to interact, I always thought it would be fun, just once, to try playing the role of a coach.
So here I am, after a game, doing my best imitation of a football coach using coachspeak doused in cliche:
"That's a good football team over there. They're well-coached, give 110 percent and leave everything on the field. Those young men, those natural leaders, play football the way football is meant to be played. Our quarterback was a field general out there, managing the football team the way football teams are meant to be managed. And our defense, they're tenacious - outstanding leaders on and off the football field. Their desire to play the defensive line position, linebacker position, defensive back position is such a joy to watch as a football coach. We're just happy to get a win, because you've got to take it one game at a time, one play at a time. You've got to focus on your goals, which is to win the league, go undefeated at home, make the playoffs and win a state championship. And above all else, no matter what may be added here or anywhere else, you've got to give them credit because that's a heck of a football team, and I could not be prouder."
Ah, that felt good. I feel like a coach already.
- Chris Lillstrung